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Who Knows? If you don't, then who does?
Writer
Comment (2/98)
By: J.
Henry Warren
THIS IS FOR THE WRITERS visiting
this site. Almost two-thirds of the way through the writing of my first novel, a friend of
a friend of mine, who is the husband of another poor afflicted and addicted sole, he’s
married to a writer, asked me, "What’s the book about? What is it about in
twenty-five words or less?"
At that particular moment I was in the middle
of pushing a large and tasty cheeseburger into my mouth with both hands at a local diner
before our monthly fishing club meeting on a particularly wet and dreary Thursday
night. I could only manage to speak between the tomato chunks the words, "A
thief. It’s about a thief." But this didn’t really satisfy his curiosity,
and he asked again. Fortunately, for me, the three of us were more hungry for food than
information.
After departing the restaurant with a full
stomach and physically satisfied, the writer in me wouldn’t let go of his
"twenty-five words or less" question. I read in Writer’s Digest once, or a
hundred times, that one should have these words tattooed on the back of their hands before
starting a work, but I hadn’t.
I kept thinking about the question. I had
botched it. Screwed it up. I missed the chance to tell someone who was interested, or at
least feigning interest in what I was doing with my time.. I missed an opportunity to
share all that effort. To finally share the pain, to agonized over it, and to talk about
it.
Eventually, I realized, or rationalized
later in the evening, that he did me a great service. His question brought to
consciousness the "something" that I had forgotten in my work. The... "What
are the four hundred plus pages about?"
After a few moments of reflection, I
started to collect from my vast array of mental pictures and story plot data what my novel
story was trying to tell: I could have told him, that novel's throughline was about love,
money and greed, and how a man and the people around him are effected by these
inclinations, and how some do rise against adversity. But I didn't!.
I also should have shared between the
burger chewing and the French fries, and damn near choking was, that Storm Keeper
was about: Fraud, Greed, Theft, Deceit, Women, Passion, Forgery, Water, Boats, Airplanes,
Accounting, Banking, Wall Street, Abuse, Murder, and Love. And did I mention, Money?...
But I didn’t!
So anyway, here they are, a little late
L.G., your twenty-five words. Twice! Next time, I’ll be ready. I hope!.
Remedy
Those Rejection Blues…
It’s a dirty job, but
someone’s gotta do it!
Writer
Comment
By:
J. Henry Warren
I
just received the enclosed e-mail…
From:
<can’twait@wesellembig.com
To: author@jhenrywarren.com
Sent: Tuesday, October 3, 1997 5:39 AM
Subject: Hey, Hank, Great
"stuff"…!
Love your work!
It’s funny, rewarding, stimulating, interesting, dynamic, direct, trendy, important,
to the point, and did I say delightful? Your images and characters provide entertainment
beyond words. This week I've postponed sleep for hours to continue reading your novel
submission, and I know you won’t believe me, but subsequently I couldn’t sleep.
Your vivid scenes and action continued to dance for hours in my dreams. You sure know how
to develop a plot and characters. It’s wonderful!
Yes, I would be pleased to represent you, and
yes, I can't wait to sell it, and read your next work-in-progress! Send me another
manuscript!
Now, I suppose you’re saying, "Gee, why can’t I receive one like this? Does
every writer except me get similar communiqués?" If you haven’t guessed
already, the answer is, "No!" Publishing statistics indicate few writers
gleefully skip from their mailboxes opening equally positive missives from agents.
But believe me, I did receive this
e-mail. However, I’d be lying if I told you this message arrived electronically from
an aggressive New York literary agency ready to represent. And it certainly wasn’t
delivered delusionaly to my e-mail account by an errant Internet Service Provider
attempting to deposit correspondence for Mr. Grisham. This fact is indisputable -
it’s not another rejection. It’s from someone truly interested in my writing.
The someone - not a relative - is me. Sorry! No drooling agent - it was self-written!
This past year, rejection letters, along
with my carefully prepared manuscript package, reappeared in my mailbox faster than I
imagined our postal system operated. I often wondered, "Why do envelopes to my
mortgage company in the same city take two weeks, yet my query letter, synopsis, three
chapters, and a self-addressed-stamped-envelope all return read with a photocopied
rejection message in less than a week." I found myself examining the return
envelope for evidence. Evidence the postman drove it around the block, opened it, stuffed
everything into my SASE, and gleefully, I’m sure, licked it closed before returning
it to my mailbox, with, of course, the boilerplate rejection letter that I’m certain
all postmen are required to carry by law. Not much assistance here!
They arrive without direction and
explanations! Without a, "Sure liked the plot, but work on the dialogue!" And
not even a, "Hey, don't send me ‘hog-wash’ like this again!" The worst
part of agent rejection is that you rarely know more than before, other than, "It
ain't going to be sold by us."
So, forget rejections for a moment!
Agents have their issues, and we have ours. Now is an opportunity to craft indulgingly.
Write a "perfect" acceptance letter, and critique yourself during its creation.
You’re not "frittering away" valuable minutes, spilling words and coffee on
your computer keyboard, you’re checking skills against expectations while writing a
positive response to your latest submission.
I suppose you’re asking,
"Aren’t you crazy to write an acceptance to your own submission?" The
answer is a resounding, "No!" A little self-indulgence provides insight as well
as improves the spirit. I learned a lot in those days by answering my own solicitation.
During the writing of
"the-letter-I-wanted-to-receive" I found myself comparing how I think I
write to how I really write. Scribble those accolades and plaudits, but remember
being honest with oneself is difficult. Compare objectively each proficiency with the
complement bestowed. I found myself asking: "Do my throughlines truly stand a test of
cohesiveness? What about my plot? Do my characters and dialogue really charm and convince?
What about my narrative style? Do scenes and sequels flow? Are my readers awake for
another chapter, or do they nod before they’ve had time to set the alarm for the next
wake-up? Or, does it all need lots of work?" You will find yourself asking similar
difficult questions.
Now, if not sooner, is an excellent
opportunity for this writing exercise. Borrow several creative minutes and put them to
immediate good use. Remember! No one will read it, critique it, ignore it, or toss it into
your SASE with the postman’s form letter. Let it rip! Write what you’d like to
read.
Sure it’s self-gratification, but
indulge. Have fun, and learn from the drill. Visualize your fantastic future those
rejecting agents are fumbling. In the words of renowned speaker Mark Victor Hansen,
"Visualizing is realizing." Visualize your representation and successful
writing. Send an agent acceptance today.
Yeah, it’s a dirty job, but
someone’s gotta do it!
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